He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
