Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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