i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
