I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
