Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
