dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
3 2 1 whiskey
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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