i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
