the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
