the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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