Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
