I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
