Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
