Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
