Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
