He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
