Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
