everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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