so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
