When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
