I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
