margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
