After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
