Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
