apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
