Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
