But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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