it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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