Barsexuality is the new black.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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