he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
