your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
