Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
