Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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