dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
