Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
