yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
