That's intense
I think I died a long time ago.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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