she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
