and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
