best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
