Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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