i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
