someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
