Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
