if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
