Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
