Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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