i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've blown a few things in my day
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
