textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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