she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
