It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
